Posted by Roadkill (No, I didn't leave. It was a Maypril Fools Joke)
It's that time of year again, kids. That time when you order a PPV around May 19th, but Kane isn't even angry. Not one bit. It's Judgement Day! This year, we have Kane in a sqaush match! HHH in a cage match! Cena in yet another sqaush match! Boy, watching this is probably going to be worse than the real Judgement Day. Anyway, here are my predictions for this uneventful PPV (Remember, I predict the matches in the order I want to see them):
Kane and CM Punk def. Miz and John Morrison WWE TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH
This one wasn't a hard choice. It's pretty darn obvious that they'll win, and that Punk will turn on Kane after a title defense, and he'll win the ECW title thanks to the MITB case. WWE, you never fool me.
JBL def. John Cena
I originally thought Cena would win, but then I did some deep thinking. The winner of this match or Y2J/HBK will probably get the next WWE title shot. Jericho isn't ready yet, and his fued with Michaels is starting to get good, and I would like to see it last a little longer. JBL/Cena isn't exactly that good. Besides, we've seen this rivalry a million times already. I think JBL wins, and earns a #1 contender's spot on Raw.
BONUS MATCH: Umaga and Mark Henry def. Mr.Kennedy
There are only 6 matches tonight, and most of the outcomes are obvious. Kennedy/Regal was highly anticipated (by me atleast) but it's just not happening tonight. So, Regal makes Kennedy vs. Regal with the winner being King of the Ring. While Regal is entering, he announces that Umaga and Mark Henry will be representing him tonight. Kennedy is doing good. Umaga is out of the ring, and he is dominating Henry. He hits the Kenton Bomb, The Lambu Leap (Or was it Greenbay plunge? I forget.), and the Mic Check on Henry. Henry is out cold. While he is pinning him, Umaga belly flops Kennedy. He picks him up and Samoan Spikes him for the win. Everyone leaves, but Henry is still out cold. Big Show's music hits, and the crowd goes crazy. He is going to chokeslam Henry, but Mark reverses it into a World's Strongest Slam. Two fueds in one match. Pretty damn good, ain't it?
Mickie James def. Beth Phoenix, Melina WOMEN'S TITLE MATCH
Mickie wins after a Chick Kick (Mick Kick?) to Melina and one to Beth Phoenix.
Shawn Michaels def. Chris Jericho
HBK wins exactly how he won at Backlash. A Walls of Jericho injures his leg a little. He gets up and Superkicks the crap out of Jericho for a victory.
Edge def. The Undertaker WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH
Edge and The Undertaker hit their finishers multiple times. The match ends after The Undertaker hits a Last Ride on Edge. Edge hangs on and locks in the Gogoplata. Taker taps, and Edge is the new WHC.
Triple H def. Randy Orton WWE TITLE STEEL CAGE MATCH
Triple H is the obvious choice here. I would like to see him Pedigree Orton at the top of the Cage, too. My guess is that JBL will be his next #1 contender.
Well, there you have it. I will be doing this again in 2 weeks for One Night Stand, where every match will be an extreme rules match. Because that worked SO well last year.
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Sunday, May 18, 2008
Friday, May 16, 2008
MAYPRIL FOOLS!
Posted by Roadkill
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You idiots, I'm not leaving Deadopossum! I can't, me and Deadopossum are friends! It was a Maypril Fools joke! Maypril Fools is every May 13th, dumbshits. For those of you who aren't familiar with this holiday, it's like April Fools, except it's Maypril Fools. Here are it's origins:
Maypril Fools is a great Holiday. A holiday of joking, and making people cry. A holiday of betraying freinds and pretending to quit your job. (PRETNDING TO QUIT JOB NOT ADVISED. I DID IT, AND NOW DUNDER MIFFLIN ISN'T RE-HIRING ME. I SHOULD WORK AT OFFICE MAX. THAT'LL SHOW 'EM.) The story of Maypril Fools goes back to the time of the old testament, with the first man who evolved from an 280 pound bear, Hulky Holgany. He didn't have any clothes, which was part of God's little Maypril fools joke. He stood by the sun for too long, making him turn Orange. Then he gave him Lindamarie, his wife. Of course, he had to pull him rib out to make her. You hear that women? You think pushing something out of your you-know-where hurts? He pulled his goddam rib out! Anyway, he got her name tattooed on his finger, but she filed for divorce shortly after. Hogan trashed the garden of eden, and walked around the world. Before he knew it it was 1919! The Russians were revolting against their tsars, and wanted a better leader. A leader like Vladmir Lenin. He gave Lenin $20 to be a communist and destroy Russia's good name. What a great Maypril Fools joke! He did the same to Stalin years later. In the 1960s, Hogany became a hippie. From then on, he used the term "brutha" alot. In 1997, the Hoganies happened to be in England. He got Nicky (his son) really drunk, and made him drive. Stupid Nick followed Princess Diana's car. Diana also died in a car crash that same day. Ain't that a real coinkidink?
Now that you know the origins of Mayprils Fools Day, be as mean as possible and act like you hate people. Also, tell them Roadkill said "F you." And... uh... "Happy Maypril Fools Day" too.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You idiots, I'm not leaving Deadopossum! I can't, me and Deadopossum are friends! It was a Maypril Fools joke! Maypril Fools is every May 13th, dumbshits. For those of you who aren't familiar with this holiday, it's like April Fools, except it's Maypril Fools. Here are it's origins:
Maypril Fools is a great Holiday. A holiday of joking, and making people cry. A holiday of betraying freinds and pretending to quit your job. (PRETNDING TO QUIT JOB NOT ADVISED. I DID IT, AND NOW DUNDER MIFFLIN ISN'T RE-HIRING ME. I SHOULD WORK AT OFFICE MAX. THAT'LL SHOW 'EM.) The story of Maypril Fools goes back to the time of the old testament, with the first man who evolved from an 280 pound bear, Hulky Holgany. He didn't have any clothes, which was part of God's little Maypril fools joke. He stood by the sun for too long, making him turn Orange. Then he gave him Lindamarie, his wife. Of course, he had to pull him rib out to make her. You hear that women? You think pushing something out of your you-know-where hurts? He pulled his goddam rib out! Anyway, he got her name tattooed on his finger, but she filed for divorce shortly after. Hogan trashed the garden of eden, and walked around the world. Before he knew it it was 1919! The Russians were revolting against their tsars, and wanted a better leader. A leader like Vladmir Lenin. He gave Lenin $20 to be a communist and destroy Russia's good name. What a great Maypril Fools joke! He did the same to Stalin years later. In the 1960s, Hogany became a hippie. From then on, he used the term "brutha" alot. In 1997, the Hoganies happened to be in England. He got Nicky (his son) really drunk, and made him drive. Stupid Nick followed Princess Diana's car. Diana also died in a car crash that same day. Ain't that a real coinkidink?
Now that you know the origins of Mayprils Fools Day, be as mean as possible and act like you hate people. Also, tell them Roadkill said "F you." And... uh... "Happy Maypril Fools Day" too.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Bye-Bye
Posted by Roadkill
It's too bad that this is the last time you'll see that POSTED BY ROADKILL thing up above. If you haven't already guessed, I'm leaving Deadopossum. I feel like I've been neglecting my other site.Also, me and Deadopossum aren't that close anymore. He said he hated me 1,000 freakin' times (he wasn't joking either. I'm dead serious. Me and Deadopossum have known each other for a long time. I can tell). He even beat me with a book titled, "The Castle in the Attic"! Also, there is no Majoordood. Actually, there is a Mojoordood. He is my little brother. He just didn't want to blog here, so I did all his blogging for him. So, basically, MAJOORDOOD IS A MADE-UP CHARACTER! Since that's the case, you've probably realized that I've been doing all the blogging here since God knows when. Oh wait, God does know when. February. It was February. So while Deadopossum sits on his ass and tells me "I'm busy. Sorry I haven't blogged in a while. I'll post something tonight", I'm writing the SD Rant and thinking of storylines. I see the site the next day but he hasn't blogged. That bullshit has been going on for months now, and I'm sick of it. It's no wonder Deadguy 1313 and CD619 bolted outa here all those months ago. If you want too see the wonderful writings of Roadkill, check out my other site, roadkillsblog.blogspot.com. Oh, and my name isn't roadkill. I got that nick-name in 5th grade when I turned around and hit a girl with my backpack. Before you go, here are some segments that will be moved to my site:
The Smackdown Rant
Blast from the past PPV recapitation (I will write those very rarely, though)
Rivalries
I will spoof on songs
LOW: THE LAWS OF WRESTLING
Also, I'm combining Best of the Week and the top ten. If you want to see it, go to http://roadkillsblog.blogspot.com . I will post it during the weekend. Before you go, I want to let you know you have a choice to make. You can visit my site and laugh, get inspired, and break the monitor when you get mad- or you can stay here and wait until Deadopossum blogs again- which should be around Wrestlemania 25. Your choice. Make the right one.
It's too bad that this is the last time you'll see that POSTED BY ROADKILL thing up above. If you haven't already guessed, I'm leaving Deadopossum. I feel like I've been neglecting my other site.Also, me and Deadopossum aren't that close anymore. He said he hated me 1,000 freakin' times (he wasn't joking either. I'm dead serious. Me and Deadopossum have known each other for a long time. I can tell). He even beat me with a book titled, "The Castle in the Attic"! Also, there is no Majoordood. Actually, there is a Mojoordood. He is my little brother. He just didn't want to blog here, so I did all his blogging for him. So, basically, MAJOORDOOD IS A MADE-UP CHARACTER! Since that's the case, you've probably realized that I've been doing all the blogging here since God knows when. Oh wait, God does know when. February. It was February. So while Deadopossum sits on his ass and tells me "I'm busy. Sorry I haven't blogged in a while. I'll post something tonight", I'm writing the SD Rant and thinking of storylines. I see the site the next day but he hasn't blogged. That bullshit has been going on for months now, and I'm sick of it. It's no wonder Deadguy 1313 and CD619 bolted outa here all those months ago. If you want too see the wonderful writings of Roadkill, check out my other site, roadkillsblog.blogspot.com. Oh, and my name isn't roadkill. I got that nick-name in 5th grade when I turned around and hit a girl with my backpack. Before you go, here are some segments that will be moved to my site:
The Smackdown Rant
Blast from the past PPV recapitation (I will write those very rarely, though)
Rivalries
I will spoof on songs
LOW: THE LAWS OF WRESTLING
Also, I'm combining Best of the Week and the top ten. If you want to see it, go to http://roadkillsblog.blogspot.com . I will post it during the weekend. Before you go, I want to let you know you have a choice to make. You can visit my site and laugh, get inspired, and break the monitor when you get mad- or you can stay here and wait until Deadopossum blogs again- which should be around Wrestlemania 25. Your choice. Make the right one.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
TNA vs. WWE
Posted by Majoordood and Roadkill
RK: Hi RASLIN' LVING LOSERS.
MD: Today we're here to talk about something serious. And not the kind of serious where Roadkill talks about crappy PPVs or cracks unfunny jokes that only a 3rd grader would find funny.
RK: Today we're here to make you laugh, cry, and maybe even break your monitor because you hate us. But let's start with the laughing. I'll go first. What's 40 feet long and smells like pee? Line dancers at the old folks home! Ain't I hilarious.
MD: First of all, Roadkill, ain't isn't a word. It's conveinient by meaning isn't, aren't, and not, but it still can't be a word. Second of all, you're not funny.
CHAVO GUERRERO: More like da' couwt jetstah, hahhahahhahhahhhha.
RK: What the hell was that?!
CG: It's me, Chavo Guerrero.
MD: Why the hell are you here?!
CG: I knew Roadkill would tell an unfunny joke, so I helped him out by saying something way funnier. I said that same line to CM Punk on SD a few weeks ago, you know.
RK: Chavo, you suck. You were a fluke champion and you rely on a human fence for protection. Speaking of which, didn't you have to jump over one of those to get to this country?
CG: How dare you! I, I...
RK: Whatchgonnadobrutha? Mow my lawn for $10?
CG: Watch out, Roadkill. Me and my L.A. gang member freinds will get you for this. You feel me, esse?
MD: Whatever. Let's get to our point. TNA Impact, WWE's rival promotion, has been beating the WWE in the ratings lately. If this continues, WWE may be no more.
RK: Yeah, it's time to pick a side. Do you want to spend Thursday nights watching The Office, 30 Rock, and My name is Earl on NBC, or do you want to waste your time with Impact?
MD: Yeah, and also, tonight's a good night for Scrubs, which is on NBC (8:30). I hear it's the last episode ever. Also, John Heder of Napolean Dynamite, Blades of Glaory, and School for Scoundrels will be on My Name is Earl tonight (8:00).
RK: Things are serious now. Pick a side. WWE or TNA.
MD: Before you go, you should know that at Wrestlemania 24, TNA was handing out fliers, advertising their show. Also, they had a blimp saying watch TNA go over the Citrus Bowl. Who would want to watch something with that business method.
RK: So think before you watch TNA. It could be the downfall of WWE.
MD: Hey, what's that brownish reddish van doing outside?
RK: I see- OH CRAP! CHAVO'S BACK. He's got his L.A. gang member freinds too. Hey he has other Mexicans. There's Mencia! Lopez! Vickie Guerrero! Joseph Mencia!
MD: There's a border patrol guy tied up in the back! Oh no, this is gonna be very very- HEY! THERE IT IS!
RK: Yeah, I see it too. It's Deady Guerrero's ghost.
KNOCK-KNOCK
MEXICANS: Holmes, we gotcha now. Watcha gonna do now, esse?
BORDER PATROL AGENT: You're in big trouble. I'm deproting all of you.
MENCIA: Oh no! People were actually starting to watch my show!
3 DAYS LATER
RK: Thanks for deporting Chavo for us.
MD: Yeah, now we're safe, and Kane has a new opponent.
BPA: Well, I'm not really a border patrol agent. I'm Edge.
MD AND RK: EDGE?!
EDGE: Yeah, the tiny Mexican was getting on my nerves. Vickie's out next, by the way.
MD: Well, NOTHING LIKE THAT WOULD EVER HAPPEN IN TNA. AND THIS ISN'T JUST A MADE UP STORY, JUST TO GET YOU TO LIKE WWE.
RK: Of-
As Roadkill was writing that last sentence, he was sued by WWE because none of this actually happened, and Vince says it makes the company look bad. We counter-sued, and WWE lost, making us millionaires, making WWE go bankrupt. Well, look on the bright side- I'm rich, biotch.
RK: Hi RASLIN' LVING LOSERS.
MD: Today we're here to talk about something serious. And not the kind of serious where Roadkill talks about crappy PPVs or cracks unfunny jokes that only a 3rd grader would find funny.
RK: Today we're here to make you laugh, cry, and maybe even break your monitor because you hate us. But let's start with the laughing. I'll go first. What's 40 feet long and smells like pee? Line dancers at the old folks home! Ain't I hilarious.
MD: First of all, Roadkill, ain't isn't a word. It's conveinient by meaning isn't, aren't, and not, but it still can't be a word. Second of all, you're not funny.
CHAVO GUERRERO: More like da' couwt jetstah, hahhahahhahhahhhha.
RK: What the hell was that?!
CG: It's me, Chavo Guerrero.
MD: Why the hell are you here?!
CG: I knew Roadkill would tell an unfunny joke, so I helped him out by saying something way funnier. I said that same line to CM Punk on SD a few weeks ago, you know.
RK: Chavo, you suck. You were a fluke champion and you rely on a human fence for protection. Speaking of which, didn't you have to jump over one of those to get to this country?
CG: How dare you! I, I...
RK: Whatchgonnadobrutha? Mow my lawn for $10?
CG: Watch out, Roadkill. Me and my L.A. gang member freinds will get you for this. You feel me, esse?
MD: Whatever. Let's get to our point. TNA Impact, WWE's rival promotion, has been beating the WWE in the ratings lately. If this continues, WWE may be no more.
RK: Yeah, it's time to pick a side. Do you want to spend Thursday nights watching The Office, 30 Rock, and My name is Earl on NBC, or do you want to waste your time with Impact?
MD: Yeah, and also, tonight's a good night for Scrubs, which is on NBC (8:30). I hear it's the last episode ever. Also, John Heder of Napolean Dynamite, Blades of Glaory, and School for Scoundrels will be on My Name is Earl tonight (8:00).
RK: Things are serious now. Pick a side. WWE or TNA.
MD: Before you go, you should know that at Wrestlemania 24, TNA was handing out fliers, advertising their show. Also, they had a blimp saying watch TNA go over the Citrus Bowl. Who would want to watch something with that business method.
RK: So think before you watch TNA. It could be the downfall of WWE.
MD: Hey, what's that brownish reddish van doing outside?
RK: I see- OH CRAP! CHAVO'S BACK. He's got his L.A. gang member freinds too. Hey he has other Mexicans. There's Mencia! Lopez! Vickie Guerrero! Joseph Mencia!
MD: There's a border patrol guy tied up in the back! Oh no, this is gonna be very very- HEY! THERE IT IS!
RK: Yeah, I see it too. It's Deady Guerrero's ghost.
KNOCK-KNOCK
MEXICANS: Holmes, we gotcha now. Watcha gonna do now, esse?
BORDER PATROL AGENT: You're in big trouble. I'm deproting all of you.
MENCIA: Oh no! People were actually starting to watch my show!
3 DAYS LATER
RK: Thanks for deporting Chavo for us.
MD: Yeah, now we're safe, and Kane has a new opponent.
BPA: Well, I'm not really a border patrol agent. I'm Edge.
MD AND RK: EDGE?!
EDGE: Yeah, the tiny Mexican was getting on my nerves. Vickie's out next, by the way.
MD: Well, NOTHING LIKE THAT WOULD EVER HAPPEN IN TNA. AND THIS ISN'T JUST A MADE UP STORY, JUST TO GET YOU TO LIKE WWE.
RK: Of-
As Roadkill was writing that last sentence, he was sued by WWE because none of this actually happened, and Vince says it makes the company look bad. We counter-sued, and WWE lost, making us millionaires, making WWE go bankrupt. Well, look on the bright side- I'm rich, biotch.
Stuff
Posted by Roadkill
Hey guys. I'm bord as hell. Raw sucked again, ECW did too, and Smackdown will also. Oh wait, you don't know that yet, because I haven't posted the spoilers. Well, there's really nothing worth watching except maybe the main event. I won't post all the spoilers, because they were all qualifying matches for the main event, which was a battle royal for the world title. Batista won, but then Vickie Guerrero stripped him of the title and gave it to Edge, who will defend it against Taker at Judgement Day. Also, Kozlov beat a guy and Natalya beat Kelly Kelly.
In other new, George Lopez is still unfunny, the creative team re-wrote Raw, and SD at the last minute, and OH CRAP- I STILL HAVEN'T STARTED THE SMACKDOWN RANT. It's Thursday, and I haven't started it. But, I'll make it up to you. Next week, right here on Deadopossum, it's gon' be a double header. That's right dog, I'm making one large post with 2 weeks worth of SD Rants. Now holla atcha boy, playa.
Hey guys. I'm bord as hell. Raw sucked again, ECW did too, and Smackdown will also. Oh wait, you don't know that yet, because I haven't posted the spoilers. Well, there's really nothing worth watching except maybe the main event. I won't post all the spoilers, because they were all qualifying matches for the main event, which was a battle royal for the world title. Batista won, but then Vickie Guerrero stripped him of the title and gave it to Edge, who will defend it against Taker at Judgement Day. Also, Kozlov beat a guy and Natalya beat Kelly Kelly.
In other new, George Lopez is still unfunny, the creative team re-wrote Raw, and SD at the last minute, and OH CRAP- I STILL HAVEN'T STARTED THE SMACKDOWN RANT. It's Thursday, and I haven't started it. But, I'll make it up to you. Next week, right here on Deadopossum, it's gon' be a double header. That's right dog, I'm making one large post with 2 weeks worth of SD Rants. Now holla atcha boy, playa.
Sunday, May 4, 2008
The Top Ten: Week of 4/28/08
Posted by Majoordood
Here are this week's rankings:
Here are this week's rankings:
- Matt Hardy. Here's to the only person that retained his title without an off air delima.
- Miz and Morrison defended their titles successfully.
- William Regal now has alot of power with his GM job and his title as King of the Ring. He also took Raw off the air, helping Triple H retain his title. He also got into a brawl with Mr.Kennedy, which will probably lead to a match at Judgement Day.
- Triple H. With Regal's help, he won 2 title matches in one week- basically.
- Edge is probably going to be given the world champ as of next week.
- Chavo Guerrero and Bam Neely. They beat Kane on ECW.
- Mike Adamle finally found his balls and left the arena during ECW.
- Tazz surprisingly followed him.
- Kofi Kingston had a win against Shelton Benjamin on ECW.
- Victoria and Nasty Neidhart beat Michelle Mcool and Cherry on SD.
HONORABLE MENTIONS: Maryse is Duece 'n' Domino's new girl... Colin Delany still sucks... Vladmir Kozlov still acts like a communist with his no music no lighting entrance... and William Regal is still English, apparently.
Best of the week: Week of 4/28/08
Posted by Majoordood
Here are this week's best of the week:
RAW'S BEST OF THE WEEK:
William Regal and Triple H. Regal took Raw off the air and Triple H retained his title because of it. Yay bad storylines!
ECW'S BEST OF THE WEEK:
Chavo, Bam Neely, Tazz, and Mike Adamle. Bam and Chavo beat the ECW champion Kane, and Mike finally found the balls to leave the announce table. Tazz followed him out, which was kind of funny. This is the week of bad storylines.
SMACKDOWN'S BEST OF THE WEEK:
Matt Hardy, Miz, Morrison, and Edge. Hardy, Miz, and Morrison retained their titles, and Edge probably gained one.
Here are this week's best of the week:
RAW'S BEST OF THE WEEK:
William Regal and Triple H. Regal took Raw off the air and Triple H retained his title because of it. Yay bad storylines!
ECW'S BEST OF THE WEEK:
Chavo, Bam Neely, Tazz, and Mike Adamle. Bam and Chavo beat the ECW champion Kane, and Mike finally found the balls to leave the announce table. Tazz followed him out, which was kind of funny. This is the week of bad storylines.
SMACKDOWN'S BEST OF THE WEEK:
Matt Hardy, Miz, Morrison, and Edge. Hardy, Miz, and Morrison retained their titles, and Edge probably gained one.
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