The Smackdown Rant

On this weeks Smackdown we are Ranting and Raving. But mostly ranting. To start off Smackdown, we have The Undertaker. Deadman Talkin'! He says he will win the Royal Rumble. But then Big Fatty V comes out with his Boyfriend, Matt Stryker. Matt says the The Undertaker cannot win the Rumble, because there is one big diffrence this year. Well, Matt put it pretty good. There is a big diffrence this year- in weight. Then Big Flabby V goes into the ring and tries to beat The Undertaker up, but it backfires. I guess 'Taker wants to take his soul now. Man- that's a big soul.











The Opening Match is next:





The Great Khali w/Arab Bishcoff AKA Run Jun Sing or something vs. Finlay w/ Hornswoggle, sadly











Winner: The Great Khali





This was a pretty good match. Hornswoggle got the Muslim Paul Mcartny mad, and Khali beat the heck out of Finlay, only to leave the Irish stereotype Hornswoggle crying. Then Mr.Mcmahon says that next week Finlay will fight The Great Khali in a Belfast Brawl. Why do they call it a Belfast Brawl anyway. It's not in Belfast, it's not in a bar, and nobody is drunk enough to get into a fight.





Match Rating: *** out of *****











Next Edge and Vickie Guerrero are backstage. Vickie says Edge is a hero, and then starts crying. Boo Hoo! Love stinks. ED-DIE! ED-DIE! ED-DIE! Oh, sorry. We were chanting for the Latino Heat, not telling you to kill him. Oh wait, steriods already did that. Then Chavo Guerrero comes in and says that he is not ashamed of Vickie anymore, even if she still needs to go to the dentist. He says he wants Edge, Vickie, and Chavo to be a big happy family. Lovestruck and/or stupid, they believe him. They cut to a commercial with everyone with their plastered on smiles on.











We are back from commercials and now we are going to get Moore of Jimmy Wang-Yang than we can handle. That's right the next match is:











Greaser 1 and Greaser 2 w/ Cherry vs. Shanon Moore and Jimmy Wang-Yang





Winner: Shanon Moore and Jimmy Wang-Yang

Match rating:**1/2 out of *****



This was an okay match. Shanon Moore flirted with Cherry, and Jimmy Wang-Yang hit the Wang time, pinning Duece or Domino, I forgot.









After the commercial it is Silverback vs. Whatever kind of species Batista is supposed to be.









Batista vs. Mark Henry w/ no chance of winning: Best of eternety sqaush match series




Winner: Batista




Match Rating: The number of stars is the same number of times John Cena has lost a title match.




This matched was bad. Besides, how does Batista keep winning with a spinebuster?









Next is MVP's VIP lounge. With MVP's special guest, Ric Flair. MVP says that he will win at the Royal Rumble. Ric Flair disagrees. Then MVP reminds Ric about Vengence when he beat him for the United States title. C'mon MVP. Ric probably remembers that night as well as the fans remember Cafe de Renee. What? Who? Then Ric says he will correct that blemish on his career. Then Ric reminds MVP that he's beaten Harley Race. OOOOOHHHHH! Ric says that MVP isn't worthy enough to lace any legends boots. I'm not so sure. I can imagine MVP as shoeshine boy. I can even imagine him as a Wizard of Oz character. And who can't imagine him as a Power Ranger? Then Flair says that MVP reminds him of himself at a younger age. Then MVP starts to make fun of Flair's nicknames for about 30 seconds, only to get chestslapped by Flair. CAT FIGHT! CAT FIGHT! We cut to a commercial.



Next Match:

Michelle Mcool vs. Layla
Winner: Michelle Mcool
Match Rating: ***1/2 out of *****
This was a good match. Michelle won.

After the match, Michelle goes backstage, only to find that someone has sent her flowers. She thinks it is Jamie Noble, but it is Chuck Palumbo. Then Jamie comes toward them and says that Chuck is pathetic. Then Jamie and Chuck start to fight. Michelle yells at them and tells them to get along. We go to Commercial.

The next match is the main event:
Straight Edge and a Tiny guy with a mask vs. Regular Edge and a tiny guy who looks like a gang member
Winner: CM Punk and Rey Mysterio (DQ)
Match Rating: **** out of *****
After the match, the 3rd and 4th part of Edge's love pentagon (Zack Ryder and Curt Hawkins) come out and attack CM Punk and Rey. Then the final Part of Edge's love pentagon (Chavo Guerrero) and Edge hug. That must make Zack Ryder, Curt Hawkins, and Vickie Jealous.

Moment of the night: Deadman talkin'!

Worst part of the night: The announcement that Big Daddy V will fight 'Taker next week. We all know 'Taker is going to kill him.

I'm Roadkill. Stay in School.