April's Savagies

Posted by Roadkill and various names in wrestling

RK: Welcome to our monthly awards show, the savagies! This month, we have various names in sports entertainment presenting the awards. Here presenting our first award would be Michael Cole, but we got his cousin, who is currently trapped in a ditch, Michael Cole-in-a-hole, to present the award.

Cole-in-a-hole: Welcome fans. I'm currently trapped in a hole right now, but I'll be out. I'll be out, and I'll kill my cousin for calling a steel cage a carnivore, and for his craptastical announcing. Oh, onto the award.

1st award: This first award is the Hardy's ladder match award, for the most underated mid-card match

Nominees: The Has Been Kid vs. Batista- special ref Chris Jericho (Backlash), MVP vs. Matt Hardy- U.S. Title (Backlash), CM Punk vs. Matt Hardy (Raw), Mickie James vs. Beth Phoenix- Women's title (Raw)

And the savagie goes to: Batista vs. HBK with special ref Chris Jericho. HBK sent Batista to the animal hospital, then the pet cemetary. Matt Hardy vs. MVP could've easily won too. It WAS Hardy's first singles title.

RK: But what about the European, Cruiserweight, and Hardcore title? Hardy won those too.

C-I-A-H: Shhhhh. WWE is kinda trying to keep all that on the DL. Get my drift?

RK: Oh, you mean like they kept the Chris Benoit thing on the "DL"?

C-I-A-H: I TOLD YOU NOT TO TALK ABOUT THAT! HOW THE HELL AM I GOING TO EXPLAIN THIS TO VINCE!?!? I mean, who's Chris Benoit?

RK: Our next award is The My ears are Bleeding award, for the worst announcer. Here to present that award is cousin of TNA star Kurt Angle, Smurt Stangle. We couldn't get Kurt because of his BROKEN FREAKIN' NECK.

Smurt Strangle:

Nominees: Cole, Coach, Adamle

The Savagie goes to: It's a tie between Adamle, Coach, and Cole. Oh God! This is the first time there's been a tie, I think. Well, they both suck, but Coach is with MSG now, so now the Knicks fans will do the complianing. But Adamle and Cole are equaly sucky!

Also, to honor Adamle's win, Roadkill has asked me to post this Adamle video:

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RK: You ass, that's not a video. That's a fake Javascript code! Anyway, onto our next award, presented by Michael Coleslaw, the fast food guy and mobster.

Michael Coleslaw: This next award is The I'd watch it if I could steal it Award, for the best PPV.

Nominees: Backlash

The Savagie goes to: Oh, that was the only PPV. Well, the award was named right, 'casue I did steal it. Me and my mobster buddies. I gotta picture of them right here. To the left. Yep, that was a few years ago. Good times. Good times. Well, gotta give Mike Knox his HGH. He won't grow by himself, you know.

RK: Thanks for your time Mr.Coleslaw. To cap off this award show, here are a few pictures to remember the month by:

Taker's new chokehold:

Knox's HGH:

WWEKIDS Magazine: