MAYPRIL FOOLS!

Posted by Roadkill

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You idiots, I'm not leaving Deadopossum! I can't, me and Deadopossum are friends! It was a Maypril Fools joke! Maypril Fools is every May 13th, dumbshits. For those of you who aren't familiar with this holiday, it's like April Fools, except it's Maypril Fools. Here are it's origins:

Maypril Fools is a great Holiday. A holiday of joking, and making people cry. A holiday of betraying freinds and pretending to quit your job. (PRETNDING TO QUIT JOB NOT ADVISED. I DID IT, AND NOW DUNDER MIFFLIN ISN'T RE-HIRING ME. I SHOULD WORK AT OFFICE MAX. THAT'LL SHOW 'EM.) The story of Maypril Fools goes back to the time of the old testament, with the first man who evolved from an 280 pound bear, Hulky Holgany. He didn't have any clothes, which was part of God's little Maypril fools joke. He stood by the sun for too long, making him turn Orange. Then he gave him Lindamarie, his wife. Of course, he had to pull him rib out to make her. You hear that women? You think pushing something out of your you-know-where hurts? He pulled his goddam rib out! Anyway, he got her name tattooed on his finger, but she filed for divorce shortly after. Hogan trashed the garden of eden, and walked around the world. Before he knew it it was 1919! The Russians were revolting against their tsars, and wanted a better leader. A leader like Vladmir Lenin. He gave Lenin $20 to be a communist and destroy Russia's good name. What a great Maypril Fools joke! He did the same to Stalin years later. In the 1960s, Hogany became a hippie. From then on, he used the term "brutha" alot. In 1997, the Hoganies happened to be in England. He got Nicky (his son) really drunk, and made him drive. Stupid Nick followed Princess Diana's car. Diana also died in a car crash that same day. Ain't that a real coinkidink?

Now that you know the origins of Mayprils Fools Day, be as mean as possible and act like you hate people. Also, tell them Roadkill said "F you." And... uh... "Happy Maypril Fools Day" too.