The Smackdown Rant: 2/29/08

Posted by Roadkill

Welcome to Friday Night Smackdown! The show with the worst announce team! Anyway, we start off with clips from the press confrence. The Big Show! A Boxer! WWE! The whole world cares! Anyway, we start off with Big Show's first match since- ECW. Damn. ECW a year ago really sucked. Test, Hardcore Holly, and Lash dominated. Lash defended his title twice a week- every week. Now it's a second-rate show filled with mid-carders and crappy matches.

1st match: The Biggest Loser vs. Jobbers: Handicapped match

Well, the Big Show must have gone on the Biggest Loser or something. No worries, though. Six months after you leave that show you gain all the weight back.

Winner: Weeeeeeaaaaaaaaaelllll. It's the Big Show. After the match, Big Show says that Floydd Mayweather won't make it to his fight with De La Hoya. Damn. The WWE is screwed now that the writers strike is over.

What the hell is the Internets?

We are back and it is announced that Batista and Kane will pin The Great Khali and MVP tonight. For now, lets see the Duece 'n' Domino lose to a crappy tag team- again:

2nd match: Moore Wang vs. Duece 'n' Domino w/ cherry and fond memories of the 1950s

Duece cheat. Domino uses a leg-drop. Shanon flies around. Jimmy flips.

Winners: Same as every other week.

Backstage, Edge is convincing Vickie to go AWOL with him so he doesn't have to face 'Taker at 'Mania. They try to make out. Then Edge's heads come in and Edge makes Ryder fight 'Taker in the main event. Don't worry though. We all know that Edge will try to interfere, be chased off, and Zack will be chokeslammed 3 times.

3rd match: Jamie Noble w/ Michhelle Mcool vs. Chuck Paluser w/ disregard to restraining order

Look at Noble. Most Rednecks would chain their lovers to their trailer, like in Black Snake Moan. Anyway, Noble has 4 or 6 wins against this guy, but that was forever ago. Chuck has been killing Noble every week. What will Chuck do today? Will he pull out a pocket Knife? Get his Biker gang to beat him with pool sticks? No One knows. Ayway, Chuck gets mad because he lost Michelle to a mouse, then hits the Full Throttle for the pin.

Winner: Chuck Palumbo and his biker gang. Chuck yells at Michelle after the match. What is he saying? Probably telling her to wait by the Honda while he beats the hell out of Noble. She yells at Chuck, saying that she likes Noble now. Don't worry, you can break her. If not her spirit then her neck or arm. Commercials!

We are back, and Maryse is with Teddy and Vickie. She speaks better English now! Theodoreus Must of taught her. Slaves ain't supposed to do any schoolin'! Vickie goes for the whip, but then Maryse starts sucking up to her. Then Batista comes in and says that nhe wants to represent Smackdown in the Interpromotional match at WM 24. Vickie says he can. Umaga always loses anyway, so she could've even put Eugene in that match.

4th match: Batista and Kane vs. Khali and MVP

Kane chokeslams Khali. Batista spears P ans K. Pin.

Winner: Teest and Kane. Screw Khali. He's the new Mark Henry. Screw MVP too. He will defend his title against Batista next week. Commercials!

Eve Torres is out and shows a Hall of Famw hype video. Boy, that video made us so excited about watching has-beens give scripted speeches. Commercials!

The Miz is out promoting the dirt sheet with Morrison. They show the latest dirt sheet. Boy, this is unwatchable! Are they trying out for the weekend update or something? Anyway, Jesse and Festus come out and the match starts:

5th match: Buscuits and Gravy vs. Stardom and Reality TV

Festus goes nuts again.

Winners: Jesse and Festus. Then Miz and Morrison argue after the match. Yes. I can be a writer. I know I joke around with that gimmick but I'm dead serious this time. On my other site, http://roadkillsblog.blogspot.com , I have a segment where I come up with storylines for the WWE. This is excactly how one of my storylines starts. Click here if you don't believe me:http://roadkillsblog.blogspot.com/2008/02/rivalries-5.html

6th match: Balls Mahoney vs. Big Daddy V w/o his friend

Wow! Balls and boobs present at the same time. Anyway, Stryker couldn't make it. He is- uhh- performing.

Winner: V. 'Taker comes out and calls out Ryder. Commercials.

Main Event: The Undertaker vs. Zack Ryder w/ Head and Edge

'Taker uses that move. Ryder taps. The Hawkins come in and he taps.

Winner: The Undertaker. END SHOW.

Family Guy: Teest's tag match was okay. And of course Teest is gonna win his title match next week.

King of the hill: Screw Khali. Screw Smackdown!

Last Laugh: The MITB match is going to be filled with ECW superstars. Jeff Hardy is still gonna win, though. Oh, I wasn't really paying attention this week. Sorry.