Welcome to Smackdown! Tonight, Edge has to ask Vickie a question. Well, they've been dating for a long time, and Edge is wearing a suit. Crud, another wedding. Time for Hornswoggle to go under the Bride's dress again. And why the hell do Wrestlers have their weddings in the freakin' ring. Oh, sorry. I forgot how normal getting married in a square with ropes was. The easy part about recapping a wedding is that you don't need to do anything. All you do is copy someone else's recap of a diffrent wedding and change the names. Anyway, it's BATSITAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! HHHHHHYYEAHHHHHHHUGH - and MVP.
1st match: Batista w/ sore feet because he walked for miles in a pit of danger vs. MVP w/o a chance
The match starts. It is a bit slow at first. Headlocks, the normal shabang. Then MVP tries to hit Batista, but he's drinking "WWE JUICE" so that won't work. The Batista rallies with some rights and lefts. Then MVP trips He-man. He goes for the boot, but Batista rolls out of the ring "Smartly" and not "Cowardly" like when Edge does it. Did you know that MVP's boot is called the Playaz boot? It probably originated from famous pimp "Pimpalicous Lucious". He invented it when his hoe didn't give up all the money. Then Batista gets back in the ring and elbow drops MVP. MVP gets up, Batista runs at him, but MVP leapfrogs Batista. MVP gets Batista into a figure-four as we go to commercial.
My favorite shows are The Celebrity Apprentice, The Simpsons, and ohh... uhh... SMACKDOWN of course.
We are back and Batista is dominating. Batista runs at MVP, but MVP sends him flying into the turnbuckle. He hits a DDT for a 2 count. Then MVP gos into a rampage. Not like the one in SD vs. Raw 2008, for those of you who have the game. The heel rampage, where you scream and throw your opponent's arm into the ring post. Then MVP goes outside and slams Batista into the steps. MVP goes back in the ring and starts his heel routine again. Batista counters it, leading to the Spinebuster, the shaking of the ropes and stuff like that.
Winner: Batista. HHHHYEAHUGH!
Backstage, The Edge-Heads need advice from their mentor because they have a big match tonight. Silly, they're mid-carders, and mid-carders never mave big matches unless their name is Jeff Hardy.
But Edge doesn't have time to worry about his cronies, he needs to concentrate on what he's gonna ask Vickie. Even though he knows what he's gonna ask her because the question is in the script.
The next match is the first ever "Cram a bunch of wrestling inside of five minutes to kill time" match. Actually, it's not the first ever. This match happens once on every show.
2nd match: Zack Ryder w/ scrunched up face, Curt Hawkins, Duece w/ the most rip-offy gimmick of Dice, and Domino vs. Jesse, Festus w/ Retard power, Jimmy Wang-Yang, and Shanon Moore w/o Mohawk he had at the beginning of last year
The bells rings. Festus goes into "special" mode, except he's not as "special" as Eugene usualy is. Then he blunders like a real mentally disabled person would and tags in Shanon Moore. This guy is really retarded. Who tags in Shanon Moore? Then the Edge-heads double team Moore, but that only gets a two count. Then Duece is tagged in, giving Shanon a "Patented knee-drop", according to Michael Cole. Then he gives him a "Patented" Chinlock accrding to Michael Cole. All these moves are patented because they're the only ones he knows how to do. Then Duece tags in Domino, allowing Moore to tag in Yang. Man, Deuce makes Festus look like Albert Einstein. He comes in with a flying cross body followed by a drop-kick. A spinning wheel-kick gets a two-count. I guess spinning wheel kicks make people wanna beat the hell out of eachother, because Jesse and Shanon come off the ropes and land on Domino, allowing Yang to hit the moonsault for the pin.
Winners: 3 Dumb Rednecks and a probably suicidal punk.
After the match, the heels kick the hell out of the faces. Just like in Chuck Palumbo's match about 4 weeks ago. Meanwhile, Festus is in Coma mode, not doing anything. Jesse rings the bell, making Festus go into Retard mode. He beats the hell out of Edge's cronies, the Dice rip-off, and the guy that thinks you can still get an Egg-Cream for a dime.
Backstage, Vickie Guerrero is putiing her make-up on. Her slave Teddyus Longus is behind her. He's been given the night off. No planatation duties for him. Don't worry though, he'll be working a 64 hour shift tommorow.
Jesse should be an Evil mad man, with crazy hair and everything. No more Busciuts and Gravy, it's acid and nuclear warfare now. Man, I've been saying that I should be a HollyWood writer lately. Maybe I should. Now that the strike is over, I should make my move. I could write Hiku's for sitcoms. Yeah! I've been writing Hiku's lately. Here's one:
REY ISN'T THAT GOOD
RATED R SPEARS HIM MID AIR
MAYWEATHER BEATS SHOW
Yeah! That's the stuff. Anyway, clips are shown of everyone's favorite stereotypical Italian Chuck Paluser beating the hell out of Mighty Mouse. Now we see Chuck riding to the ring on his hog. Silly Chuck! Italians who beat their lovers don't ride motorcycles.
3rd match: Michelle Mcool w/ fake last name vs. The lady that doesn't really act or look like a women
Victoria chokes Mcool, but Mcool counters with a messed up superplex. Both clumsily fall down. Are these 2 playing ring-around-the-rosey or are they wrestling? Victoria goes for a pin but only gets a two. Michelle rallies and hits a drop-kick and a closeline. A weak big-boot follows, allowing Victoria to hit the Widow's peak for the victory.
Winner: Victoria
After the match, Chuck tells Michelle that she better get used to him beating the hell out of Jamie Noble. Then Michelle gets up and says that she will call the cops if he hurts Noble again. This will be Chuck's second attempt of Homocide, and we all know what that means. None of this actually happened after the match, I was just bored. Commercails!
We are back and 'Taker has to fight that tub of lard again:
4th match: The Undertaker vs. Big Fatty V w/Matt Stryker
Geez, I wonder how this is gonna end?!
Winner: The Undertaker
4 1/2 match: The Undertaker vs Matt Stryker: Post managerial beatdown
Winner: The Undertaker. That makes sense. The stripper is usually getting beat up.
No Way Out ad. It has 2 chambers. It'll be a miracle if WWE can survive this month without firing anyone. Oh, remind Funaki's kids how nice that Shack in Japan was.
5th match: Chavo Guerrero w/ Eddie's ghost and the Gold Perm vs. CM Punk w/o ECW title and Guy Who Burns people alive w/o guilt.
Kane and Chavo start off. Eddie's probably up there saying "Chavo, may the frog-splash be with you". Kane punches Chavo and slams him. Punk is tagged in. He hits a slam of his own. Then Chavo chop-blocks Punk, tagging in the Gold Standard, Shelton Benjamin. Why call yourself the Gold Standard if the only gold you've ever had is on your head? Anyway, Punk slams Benji into the turnbuckle. He runs at him, but he moves and lands the STO. He drops some knees on Punk, and then slams him. Chavo is tagged back in and hits a frog-splash, but the move is not identified as his finisher (even though it is), so it has no effect. Punk gets up while Chavo is distracting the ref, allowing Shelty to choke Punk. Tag to Benjamin now, who tries to land the powerbomb, but Punk counters with a kick. Kane gets the hot tag (no pun intended), and Chavo is tagged in too. He slams Chavo and closelines him on the corners. Shelton is tagged in. Kane goes for the double Choke-slam, but Chavo and Shelty counter it, allowing Punk to get the tag. Punk closelines Benji and GTS' Chavo for the 3-count.
Winners: Kane and CM Punk. I liked Shelton Benjamin when he was on Raw. Back then I could make all the Bacardi and Cola jokes that I wanted.
6th match: The Great Khali w/ Arab Bishcoff vs. Finlay w/Hornswoggle and a Shalaliegh
Winner: Finaly
Fun Fact: He used the Shalaliegh.
Next, Edge is out in the ring. He says that he loves Vickie. I wonder what Rated R would mean for Edge if he actually married Vickie? Rated Really in love? Probably. Anyway, Theodoreus Longus, Edge and Vickie's slave, rolls Vickie into the ring. Did I mention that the ring is all Valentinesy? And why does Edge have to propose to Vickie? Can't he just come out here with chocolates and a card and say, "Wiw you be my Vawentime?" If he wants to propose to her, he should do it in the parking lot of Applebees, just like everyone else. Or he could propose to her on the titan-tron at a baseball game, while the crowd screams "Say No!", and "Awww". Then Edge tells Theodoreus Longus to leave, because he has to rest up so he can work at the planatation tommorow. But the cameras and the millions of people watching can stay. Edge now sings a canadian song. As if he hasn't gotten the crowd mad enough. The song is over, and the proud canadian heart of Vickie GUERRERO is happy. Then Edge gets down on one knee and proposes to Vickie. Hey, isn't Edge already married to Lita? Oh wait, if past events are inconvienient for an angle, they never happened. Then Edge and Vickie kiss. Rey Mysterio comes out and congratulates them on their engagement. Rey seems jealous, but he doesn't need a spouse. He has Dominic to boss him around at home. He then says that Edge and Vickie kissing was the most disgusting thing he's seen in his life. He says that Vickie should drop Guerrero from her name because she's disgracing it. Then Edge demands an apology, but Rey says something in spanglish that I can't understand. After Rey is done talking in spanish, he's says that he'll see how much you 2 love each other after he's the champ. Are you suggesting that Vickie only loves Edge for his title? Well, that kinda makes sense. Just look at HHHunter and Steph. Then Edge goes into angry boyfriend mode, but Rey hits the 619, just like he does every week. When he goes for the West Coast Pop, Edge ducks and hits Vickie. Vickie is such a wimp. Batsita can handle a tombstone but this lady can't handle a freakin' kick. END SHOW.
JBL as Smackdown's announcer: Batista vs. MVP was great.
Coach as Smackdown's announcer: The go-nowhere tag teams, The Great Khali, ad Big Daddy V.
Last Word: Remeber when you played GM mode on your older version of SD vs. Raw and lost every time because the fans would rather watch Trish Stratus vs. Snitsky than John Cena vs. Umaga. I hated that.
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